Being Right in a Time of Polarisation
It feels so good to be right. And to be righteously angry feels even better. It’s almost like a drug!
There’s a lot to feel angry about. If we care about those suffering under the many forms of oppression and aggression, greed, exploitation and injustice, then we are going to feel angry. At its purest, anger is a loud internal voice shouting something like THIS IS NOT RIGHT! Anger calls on our warrior energy to fight for something to change. When used skilfully, anger can be a powerful motivator – the engine for positive change.
Unfortunately many of us don’t feel either empowered or skilful enough to change the big things we care about. So what do we do with our righteous anger? Do we pick fights with those we disagree with (especially online where there is less threat of being punched on the nose)? Perhaps we go on marches or sign petitions. Perhaps we rant and complain to anyone who will listen. Perhaps we bottle it all up in pent-up frustration and resentment.
In the classic comedy film Monty Python’s Life of Brian (set in Roman occupied Judea 2000 years ago) there is a scene where the People’s Front of Judea explain that the only people they hate more than the Romans are the Judean People’s Front and the Judean Popular People’s Front. It brilliantly parodies the way that groups who are fighting for social justice often split into ineffective squabbling factions. They may not achieve anything constructive, but they have a great time feeling righteous and superior. If I was a Roman oppressor I’d be laughing all the way to the colosseum!
Righteous anger by itself is no threat to the systems of violence and oppression. In fact it can even serve those systems by directing energy away from anything that threatens real power.
But damn, it feels so GOOD!
Do I want to chase that righteous feeling or do I want to actually change things? There was a time when this question would not have made any sense to me. Aren’t they the same thing?
Now I know better.
For the last couple of years I have been working with and teaching a framework called “Engaging Constructively in Challenging Conversations” developed by Shoshana Faire from the Conflict Resolution Network and co-author of Everyone Can Win – Responding to Conflict Constructively.
It is said that the best way to learn something is to teach it, and that is my experience.
I am gradually learning to apply the skills of recognising and taking responsibility for my emotions (whether it’s anger, anxiety, shame, fear or numbness).
I’m gradually learning to make conscious choices about the outcome I am aiming for.
I’m gradually learning to stay curious about the other person’s perspective – even when I am convinced they are wrong and I am right!
I’m gradually learning to be curious about my own strong opinions and reactions. What is really going on inside me?
I’m gradually learning to express my perspectives in ways which are less likely to provoke defensiveness and polarisation and more likely to invite reflection, curiosity and growth.
I still have lot of learning to do.
If you are Melbourne and would like to join me on this learning journey, I’m co-facilitating more workshops with Vadim Ragozin from Turning Ground in March and April. Details here: Programs Info: Communication in Times of Conflict — Turning Ground.
We are both deeply motivated to support ethical change in the world, and to resource others wanting to work for real change. These skills are some of the most practical and effective that we know.
